It has finally dawned on me how important and bad trying to kill myself actually is. it never felt like a big deal because after 3 attempts no one noticed and i was never told i was doing a great job and it became something i did and no one seemed to care about it. i’m 18 and i can honestly say i’ve tried to kill myself 4 times. that doesn’t seem fair to me. i remember writing my fucking note for one of them in the bathroom at a party on the back of a receipt and having to fail but still haven eaten 35 random pills i just got up and went to work. that’s not fair. i never cared because i never ever saw myself and as important. i didn’t get why it was sad. it made so much sense. i shouldn’t have to live like that.
- love yourself like kanye loves himself
- believe in yourself like kanye believes in himself
- know you’re the shit like kanye knows he’s the shit
I wish that there was a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m having a bad mental health day and need you to pay attention to me,” without alienating everyone.
I feel bad for saying it but man I do still want to be dead. Like I KNOW there’s this huge list of reasons I probably shouldn’t but it doesn’t stop me from just wanting to lay down and die. And I feel so guilty ans ashamed of it. I’m scared. I don’t want to upset anyone.
if i ever stop talking to you as much
- its not you
- there are a lot of things going on right now and idk what im doing and i often forget the fact that i have friends omfg
- i still want to be close
if i ever message/text/call/ect you a lot
- pls let me know bc i dont want to make you uncomfortable or bug you
- be a pal; dont let me make an asshat out of myself
- ps its more than likely because i want to be close
things to remember:
- you are not a burden
- you will not ‘bring others down with you’ if you tell them about your problems or ask for help
- it feels like you’re being crushed under the weight of the world because you are
- but it’s your world
- it’s not as heavy on other people, because even if you mean everything to them, they will never feel your pain and your suffering as keenly or as heavily as you
- so don’t worry about it — they can take it
- just because some people are assholes who abandon you when things get hard, doesn’t mean everyone will
- there are people who care
I’m not aloud to be left on my own. I think I’ve spent all my money but I can’t bare to look and see. I don’t know how I’m going to survive. I haven’t seen people in such a long time. It feels too much. I’m lonely. I am really just lonely right now. I just want someone with me but everyone is busy and it’s not fair to keep asking them to help me. But my god the panic attack I had the other day was the most frightening thing in the world. I’m still recovering. I don’t know how I want to deal with this because I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m kind of frightened.